Supermarket Frenzy
by Orlijah Bloomwood
Summary: Aragorn embarks upon a quest to the supermarket. Such a task has never been appointed him before. What will become of our dear King Elessar as he is faced with the complexities of shopping carts and skirting aisles???


Okay, I was really bored and half asleep when i dreamed this up. I will update my other fics asap-and if i can come up with ideas and get outta my half into coma zone. Enough of speech on with the fic.  
  
Supermarket Frenzy  
  
Chapter 1. Quarter Deposit Carts  
  
It was a nice, cool, breezy spring day when Aragorn decided to take a trip to the supermarket for the very first time in his life. He had always left all the shopping to his better half, Lady Arwen, or the servants, but today, he felt like getting up off his lazy behind to try and raise his family like a true man, one who wasn't afraid of making a fool of himself biting his nails trying to comprehend the complex lists his wife scribbled and getting lost in the endless aisles filled with packages of assorted colours, shapes, sizes, containing all sorts of matter.  
  
He obviously knew very little of what he would come face to face with. He was arrogant in that manner, being a Ranger and all, believing he could latch on and quickly learn all that he encountered. Even so, there were still some things, very little at that, that the race of men were yet to embrace.  
  
He arrived by steed at the supermarket, his worry lessening of great when he saw the unintimidating size of the store with its brightly coloured block letters spelling out its proud name. A 'Pathmark' this one was, and through its many windows he could see lines of people pushing carts filled to the brim with brown paper and plastic shopping bags. Upon the windows sat many signs advertising sales of 'Turkey- $.39 a lb.' and a '2 for 1 sale' of cantaloupes and 'Pepsi 24-pack $3.99-No Limit', as well as many others.  
  
He found a parking spot for his horse between two other steeds and dismounted. He encouraged his horse to stay with a carrot and a pat on its head, then proceeded to walk towards two parallel bars of metal containing shopping carts in between them.  
  
"After you arrive, head for the things that are called 'shopping carts', which are chained together with a force only broken by a simple insertion of what is called a 'quarter'. I present you now with one of these. It will become of great aid on your journey, Aragorn, use it wisely, and keep it safe. Remember, reinsert the chain to reclaim the quarter and bring it back. Farewell.' Arwen said these last words to him, and they parted.  
  
He heeded these words well and took out the glinting coin with the face of one Arwen named 'George Washington' engraved upon it. He chuckled softly to himself, drawing a hasty revelation that this would be the most easy task appointed upon him. How things had strayed since then.  
  
An elderly woman passed him and took out a quarter of her own and stuck it between the open mouth of a plastic device that released it of its burden. Then, humming merrily to herself, she pulled the cart out of the conjoining cart in front of it and strolled along, pushing the noisily rattling and squeaking contraption.  
  
He walked up to the cart bravely and said these words,"I do not fear what perils lie beyond you and your supermarket, for I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. A Ranger of these lands, who has not yet come upon a creature nor place that has overcome my skill. It is you who should fear." And with that statement, he thrust the coin pinched between his forefinger and thumb into the small slotted opening. He yanked his hand back in pain, throwing his head back and howling with agony.  
  
"Yeeeoow!!" Was all he could manage for about 5 minutes or more. For he had attempted the task of insertion much too quickly and to the bitter demise of gaining one of these 'shopping carts'.  
  
Bystanders looked on at the King of Gondor with enough pity in their eyes to rival that given to poor Gollum by Frodo. For they had never seen such a grand person in a predicament of that sort, and wondered woefully how he ever came to rule their kingdom. Doubtful thoughts of whether a person shall be elected upon to rule should be based upon bloodline or inheritance alone crossed their minds, being but a mere flicker in their expression upon the doubled-over laughing fits they displayed quite courteously, and the bright, eyebrow raised, humour toned faces of those too old to behave such raucously in front of a person of such noble majesty. Though, it was quite a sight to behold, one likewise that hadn't been seen for many a century.  
  
Aragorn, however, had other thoughts about this, and looked disapprovingly about those who mocked him so. "These fools will see. King Elessar will dominate this-this 'supermarket cart' here if it's the last thing he does!!" With that announcement, made loud enough for all spectators to hear, he thrust his fingers with the coin in between them once again into the awaiting hollow, only to once again be confounded with no success and another wave of clamorous laughter from those whose curiosity of what else there was to behold of 'King Elessar and His Great Mission To Overcome The Dark Supermarket Cart' rooted them just as they were. Like a crowd of patrons regarding one who seemed to mirror the image of a trained monkey at a circus, if a trained monkey could be demoted to such a fool as was this so-called 'Mighty King Elessar' in the state of his crisis. Alas, many attempts were made by the very frustrated and befuddled Aragorn, drawing more crowds now than before, always making a proclamation for his future success before being drawn down to complete and utter failure.  
  
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Well, that wuzn't so bad, now wuz it? Better than that flu shot i got on Christmas Eve, which pained me for several days. Hopefully this won't do the same for you. Can't say the same for Aragorn, unfortunately. ;P^O_O^ 


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